I often talk a lot about how Bo and I dream together. We talk about it so much that I forget it could be a foreign concept to some people. I’ve been asked several times before, “What do you mean when you say you guys dream together?” Or even, “How do you guys dream together?”
Those are great questions and I’d love to answer them.
A dream starts with an idea. I personally consider dreams to be something out of the norm, a step of faith, if you will. If I can accomplish it within a month, it’s not a dream, it’s a short-term goal. A dream, in my opinion, takes big faith.
So when Bo and I dream together, it starts with one of us sharing an idea, then getting feedback, bouncing more ideas off the original one, and deciding the next steps to get our dream going. I love the way Mark Batterson puts it. He says, “A dream without a to-do list is called a wish list.”
What’s great about dreaming together is what it does for our relationship.
IT CREATES INTIMACY.
When I share something so intimate with Bo, I’m giving him access to my heart. Communication is essential in marriage, but those times we share our deepest thoughts and dreams together create the highlights of our intimacy in communication.
IT BUILDS TRUST.
It’s important that you and your spouse allow each other to dream together. This means that what each of you share is done from a positive aspect and there are no shut downs on a dream. Just because one of you shares a big dream doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll move towards it. It is simply being shared. If the idea of a dream is shared and instantly shut down, the chances of that spouse sharing another intimate thought is unlikely.
Creating open dialogue where each of you feel safe sharing your thoughts and feelings will build trust. Think about when you were a child and who you would tell your secrets to. Why that person? Probably because there was not a thought that he or she would judge you or punish you for what you shared. It was a safe environment.
Creating this safe, trusting environment is so critical. Practicing this with positivity and dreaming with your spouse will help in the future when you need to share a complaint or a struggle without the thought of having judgement or punishment for it.
IT’S JUST STINKIN FUN.
Dreaming sparks excitement. Think about the things you talked about when you dated. Ignite that passion again by discovering new dreams together! Your spouse is the most qualified person to partner with you in accomplishing BIG dreams together!
If dreaming with your spouse is something you’ve never tried, I want to help you get the conversation started with some questions you could ask…
If you could go anywhere, were would it be?
As a child, what was one thing you wanted to be when you grew up?
Is there a “bucket list” activity you’d love to do one day?
Is there a dream you feel that God has given you that you’ve never spoken out loud?
Dream with your spouse! See where it leads you both. Invite vulnerability and create intimacy together. And remember, keep it positive!
Growing with you,